Back Rowe Reviews
Real Time Movie Reviews from the Back Row of a Theater

2013

Frozen (PG)

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Directed by: Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee
Starring: Kristen Bell
November 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

Frozen

Love the part writing on the opening choral number.

Gorgeous animation on the ice breaking scene.
This sequence harkens back to diminutive laborers swinging pickaxes in a diamond mine in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937)…but without all the “Heigh-Hos.”

The king seeks aid from rolling rocks.
There’s a really good rock ‘n’ roll joke in there somewhere, but chances are it’ll end in a groan. And neither of us wants that.

“Do you want to build a snowman?” Wow, what an emotionally charged back story.
This heart-rending sequence approaches the master level storytelling exhibited in the opening montage of Up (2009). Boy does it hit the mark.

Water fountain ice sculpture and walk across the lake are brilliant.
There’s some superb animation in this section of the film.

My God, the “frozen fractals” CGI is utterly jaw-dropping.
Ditto to the previous remark times a million.

Olaf dreams of summer. Funny how we always long for what we can never have or will lead to our destruction.
Just human, or snowman, nature I suppose.

The duet by the sisters reminds me of the “Defying Gravity” song in Wicked.
Fitting since one of the singers in that song also lends her voice here, Idina Menzel.

Ice queen gives her sister a snow lock like Simon in #TheDragonboneChair.
This book, the first in a trilogy written by Tad Williams, should be essential reading for fantasy lovers.

“My own personal flurry.” Hilarious!
Unlike many of the cutesy sidekicks in the 90s and 00s Disney movies, Olaf doesn’t work too hard to be funny…he just is. He’s also charming, which is more than I can say for many of the “comic relief” characters from the period in question.

Final analysis: a beautifully rendered animated film that features some funny and touching moments.

This film is the perfect marriage between classical Disney magic and Pixar’s storytelling brilliance.
If Disney wants to regain its dominance in the industry, this film should serve as a template.

Rating:
3 1/2 out of 4 stars. Pure animation excellence and well deserving of its Oscars.

Of course, it’s easy to gush in retrospect, but this film certainly deserved the Oscars it won back in March, including the coveted Best Animated Feature Film. Thanks in large part to the creative guidance of John Lasseter, the gap between Disney and Pixar animated films has significantly narrowed. More homogeneity exists between both animation houses at present than ever before and it just makes sense that Disney/Pixar films should possess the same level of quality and creative consistency across the brand…the results have been largely lopsided until now. Besides the eye-popping CGI, there are also plenty of other things to celebrate in the film, not the least of which is co-director Jennifer Lee’s screenplay based upon Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Snow Queen.” There are many classical Disney flourishes in the film along with some fresh elements too, like the clever twist on the hackneyed story device where a character can only be reanimated by “true love’s kiss.” The movie boasts the finest musical numbers in any Disney movie since Beauty and the Beast (1991). There isn’t a wasted word or note in any of the songs and “Let It Go,” performed by Menzel, justly deserved the Oscar win for Best Original Song. As incredulous as it seems, this is the first Best Animated Film Oscar bestowed upon the Mouse House: since its inception in 2002, the category has been dominated by Pixar. In truth, I’m much more of a Pixar fan than a Disney fan, but I must admit to being completely won over by the film’s charm, heart and visual grandeur. There can be no doubt that Frozen is a giant step in the right direction for Disney. Hopefully, like iron sharpening iron, the two studios will push each other to greater artistic and dramatic achievements in the future. A little sibling (studio) rivalry never hurt anything, right?

Philomena (PG-13)

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Directed by: Stephen Frears
Starring: Judi Dench
November 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Sixsmith forced to eat humble pie with a side of grovel sauce.
A BBC reporter’s words, not mine. I’m not that clever.

Desperate Sixsmith decides to accept a “human interest” assignment.
Desperate times…

Philomena returns to the scene of the crime...relives the past.
A truly heartrending flashback.

Sixsmith’s commentary on God’s “weird game” is poignant...a universal quandary.

Philomena goes to Washington. Then goes to see the monument of the tallest president.
Her comment about Abe being tall even while seated is priceless.

“He was smart and he had a firm handshake.” Who could ask for anything more?

A Celtic harp...another clue revealed.

Sixsmith’s “doorstepping” attempt falls flat.
Fortunately Philomena proves more resourceful…and forceful.

They come full circle. Nice T.S. Eliot quote.

Final analysis: another virtuoso performance by Dench. A demanding emotional role and she makes it look easy.

Similarly themed to the indie
Oranges and Sunshine, Philomena reveals a dark chapter of Britain’s past.

Rating:
3 out of 4 stars. A sad “true story” that stays just this side of a tear-fest.

It’s no surprise that Dench turns in yet another powerhouse dramatic performance here. What is surprising is just how effective Coogan is in the supporting role. You might remember the actor as Octavius in the Night at the Museum movies. There’s quite a variance in tone between the actor’s typical comedy roles and the straightforward dramatic part he plays here. Characterizing the movie as a straight drama, however, would sell it short since the story contains occasional moments of comic relief, like when Philomena regales the sordid details of the romance novel she’s reading. For the most part though, this is a quiet and heartwarming human interest story that cleverly avoids the kind of mawkish displays normally witnessed in this kind of film. So, if you’re in the mood for effectively told “true story” drama, Philomena should fit the bill rather nicely. And honestly, just watching Dench do her thing is justification enough to watch this film.

The Wolf of Wall Street (R)

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Directed by: Martin Scorsese
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio
December 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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DiCaprio’s internal monologue becomes a direct address to the camera. Interesting narration method.
American Hustle, a concurrent release, also features an unusual mode of narration.

McConaughey’s chest thumping is truly bizarre.
And his protruding buck teeth only add to the strangeness of the scene.

DiCaprio gives a clinic on how to sell stocks.
Jaws go slack all over the call center.

Hill’s “present” sets DiCaprio on a bad course.

New company with a new script.
Wages increase while inhibitions decrease.

Robin Leach’s extravagant description of the yacht is amusing.

“Pick up the phone and start dialing.” DiCaprio’s rousing speech verges on the manic.
No verge about it…he falls over the cliff.

DiCaprio and Kyle Chandler’s amiable showdown on the yacht is amusing.

The Cerebral Palsy Phase. Funny stuff.

DiCaprio decides not to be sold to and creates an army of chest-thumpers.
Not to worry, they’ll all be making cameos in the next Planet of the Apes Movie.

Somehow the story just morphed from
Wall Street into The Perfect Storm.
A very bizarre narrative left turn.

Chandler delivers a yellow “go to jail” card.

Final analysis: an overlong tale of greed, sex and drugs with an unrelenting blitzkrieg of F bombs.

Slick direction by Scorsese and fabulous acting all around.

Owes a debt to
Wall Street and The Boiler Room, but pushes the boundaries of excess to the extreme.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars for being derivative & excessive. Now I need Benihana & a mind cleanse.

There’s a great divorce in my evaluation of this film—a giant chasm which makes reconciling both sides a quandary of epic proportions. On one side is Scorcese’s sumptuous direction, DiCaprio’s utterly captivating performance and top-notch work in every phase of the production. On the other side is the ostensibly hyper-real lifestyle of the characters which comes complete with lewd behaviors of every kind imaginable and pervasive drug use all being done at work, out in the open for everyone to see, enjoy and clap and cheer for. If you’re still under the assumption or misguided, idealistic hope that some things are still sacred in the world, give this film a watch and it will shatter any such notions. I think the disconnect for me is a matter of identification…the lifestyle placed on display in the film isn’t even remotely appealing to me so it’s hard for me to sympathize with any of the characters. As such, this get rich, live large philosophy holds no fascination for me. Despite its stellar production values, I just can’t endorse this film because its excesses detract from its entertainment value. In the final analysis, Scorcese’s wonderfully woven Wolf is merely a celebration of corruption and debauchery. Morally reprehensible from one set of credits to the other, this film is gratuitous to its own peril.

American Hustle (R)

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Directed by: David O. Russell
Starring: Christian Bale
December 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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How to do a comb over 101.

Apparently there’s an art to sliding a suitcase.
An art Cooper hasn’t mastered.

“We’re all conning ourselves.” Interesting philosophy.

Two lunches. Trouble brewing?

Four busts and they skate.

The new “science oven” doesn’t like metal.

Palpable antipathy between Adams and Lawrence. The opposite of a meet-cute. Classic!

The new player from Florida has a familiar bearing.
Something tells me you don’t wanna’ mess with this guy.

The ongoing ice fishing story is hilarious.
Cooper has listening problems…he’s always jumping to conclusions.

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Rough scene in Renner’s house.

Final analysis: a top-notch heist yarn with top shelf performances and peerless direction by Russell.

A wholly immersive film that cleverly employs filming techniques from the period it showcases.

Production values, especially costumes and hair styles, are staggeringly authentic.

Unique employment of the internal monologue from multiple characters.
And sometimes characters switch from talking (thinking) about themselves to talking about a different character.

Rating:
3 1/2 out of 4 stars. Should be a frontrunner for Oscar’s top prize.

Russell, Bale and Lawrence should be strong contenders as well. However, there’s an intangible missing ingredient here. Each aspect of the production is superb, but some ineffable quality eludes the proceedings. In the end, this is a handsomely mounted, highly styled heist film that has everything but heart. The absence of that crucial element might be its Achilles heel come awards season.

The Book Thief (PG-13)

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Directed by: Brian Percival
Starring: Sophie Nelisse
November 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Beautiful shots of snow covered fields during the movie’s opening.

Acquires the first book at her brother’s funeral.

The lyrics to the kid’s choir song are horrifying. Talk about corrupting the next generation.
…with racist propaganda.

The sight of all these Nazi flags is unsettling.

A bonfire for “intellectual dirt” and a speech sure to turn your stomach.
The scary thing is that Hitler was convinced he was doing God’s work.

Leisel makes an unexpected new friend.
Okay, so this spelling of the girl’s name wasn’t underlined in red so I assumed it was the correct spelling. Apparently the “i” comes before the “e”. I changed the spelling of her name mid-movie when I saw her name written in a book.

Snowball fight in the basement is a fun scene.

Liesel learns the meaning of the word “conscripted.”
The hard way.

Story time during an air raid. Brave girl indeed.
An audience isn’t any more captive than that.

Death is “haunted by humans.”

The final twenty minutes are extremely difficult to watch.
If you made it through Schindler’s List (1993), you’ll probably be okay. Otherwise…

Final analysis: a finely mounted period piece with excellent performances and a moving narrative.
Geoffrey rush and Emily Watson are superb as Liesel’s adoptive parents and Sophie Nelisse is cherubic in the lead role.

Rating:
3 out of 4. A sobering tale that somehow manages to be uplifting at the end. Highly recommended.

A few years ago a movie entitled The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (2008) dared to show the holocaust through the eyes of a young boy. Here we see similar atrocities through the perceptions and experiences of a young girl. Though their family situations are vastly different, the children in both movies are exposed to the horrors of the systematic extermination of the Jews during WWII. Amid book burning bonfires and blitzkrieg bombings, it’s really the story of how these characters cope with the exigencies and uncertainties of the turbulent times in which they live. And, of course, if we’re talking characters, we’re also referring to the actors who portray them. Even though the temperaments of Liesel’s adoptive parents are vastly different, they’re both charming in their own way. Though Rush and Watson bring their characters to life with requisite brilliance, it’s Nelisse who steals the show as the endearing ingénue at center stage for most of the movie. Liesel’s wide-eyed wonder and innocence is an effective and poignant counterpoint to the often bleak and tragic events of the film…a film that’s not to be missed.

Anchorman 2 (R)

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Directed by: Adam McKay
Starring: Will Ferrell
December 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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“Me or the job.” Easy decision as we soon see.

The “chicken of the cave” scene is hilarious.
One of the only genuinely funny scenes in the movie.

One superhero that should never see the light of day...Lace-Man.
However, he might be an appropriate sidekick for Ballerina-Man, who made quite an impression on the judges at a superhero tryout in Mystery Men (1999).

First live car chase is a smash.
But seems passé in retrospect.

Ron’s Doby lullaby is utterly ludicrous.

Multi-network melee in Central Park is daft beyond description.
But it’s loaded with A-list stars.

Final analysis: a profound disappointment. The vast majority of the film isn’t even remotely funny.

Rating:
1 out of 4 stars. Dumb from the word go, this sequel is anything but classy.

The first film was crass and idiotic, but was also charming and, on occasion, heartwarming. This one is just crass and idiotic. As Forrest Gump would say, “That’s all I have to say about that.”

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (PG)

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Directed by: Ben Stiller
Starring: Ben Stiller
December 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Walter’s wink is rejected. The joys of online dating.
And has product placement in a movie ever been as front and center as eHarmony is here?

Lots of
Ally McBeal like flights of fancy, one of which features a poetry falcon.

The last
LIFE, a missing photo and a meet cute.

Don’t touch Mitty’s Stretch Armstrong.
I punctured mine as a kid and got the green monster guy as a replacement. Those toys were supposed to be puncture proof…leave it to me.

Am I way off base here or should Mitty check the wallet for the missing negative?
Refer to Jeff Goldblum’s line in Jurassic Park after the T-Rex smashes through the fence.

The
Benjamin Button fantasy is humorous.

Mitty finds a thumb in Greenland.
Does that mean he has a green thumb?

Does Iceland really have a Papa John’s?
Another shameless, and dubious, product placement.

Searching for ghost cats in the Himalayas.
BTW, did Mitty ever submit a vacation request at work?

Mitty’s mom saves his wallet and his
LIFE.
Mom = Shirley MacLaine. Her “Oh, by the way…” meeting with Penn is contrived beyond belief.

Final analysis: a sweet film that appeals to the daydreamer in all of us.

This life-affirming film reminds us that we’re all extraordinary & that life is an adventure.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Directed by Stiller, the film is inspirational but predictable.

A feel good film based on James Thurber’s classic and the original 1947 movie starring Danny Kaye, the new Mitty is endearing and ennobling but is also exceedingly overly simplistic in the script department. There’s no character complexity and no narrative nuance here. Everything is buttoned up just as you’d expect it to be. Though painfully two-dimensional at times, Stiller’s Mitty is a revealing character study of a man trapped inside his own mental prison, however elaborate a prison it is. Mitty’s attempts at breaking out of self-imposed strictures, routines and modes of behavior is half the fun of the movie, and in our increasingly isolated society, I’m sure many audience members can identify with Stiller’s portrayal of a highly intelligent and creative individual who’s constrained by social inadequacies, whether real or imagined. The other half of what makes the movie fun is the globetrotting to Iceland, Afghanistan and the Himalayas, all of which were filmed on location in Iceland. So if an uncomplicated, warm fuzzy fest is on today’s movie menu, order up the Mitty with a side of popcorn and you’ll be completely satisfied.

Saving Mr. Banks (PG-13)

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Directed by: John Lee Hancock
Starring: Emma Thompson
December 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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In case anyone cares for this brand of trivia, this is the second film Hanks has starred in with “saving” as the first word in the title.

Chlorine and sweat...an apt description of L.A.
Actually, chlorine is probably one of the city’s nicer smells.

I feel the same way about pears.
Eating sandpaper would have about the same effect.

An audience with Walt. The first/last name preferences are hilarious.
Some great dialog and performances by Hanks and Emma Thompson here.

No red in the picture. The demands keep coming.

The music goes up on the word down...ironic.
And ingenious.

Farrell’s speech is incredibly uncomfortable.
In fact, it’s squirm-in-your-seat awful.

“Get on the horse, Pamela.”

The penguin’s out of the bag...animation.

Walt’s story about delivering newspapers in the snow features some astounding acting.
Even by Hanks’ lofty standards.

Escorted to the premier by Mickey himself.

Be sure to sit through the end credits for an amusing extra.

Final analysis: an amazing production with stellar acting from a dazzling and diverse cast.
Especially Colin Farrell, Paul Giamatti and Jason Schwartzman…who can actually sing. His rendition of “Feed the Birds” is one of the film’s emotional high points.

A great deal of magic and heart here along with some bittersweet revelations of the past.

Rating:
3 1/2 out of 4 stars. Walt would be proud of this genuinely moving biopic.

When you think Disney, you think magic. Whether someone casting a spell in an animated feature or a woman pulling sundry items out of a bag in a movie like Mary Poppins (1964), the Disney classic which this movie is framed around, magic is a word very closely associated with the Mouse House and its numerous and diverse productions. If you’re doing a movie about Walt, it’d better be magical, and fortunately, there’s nothing to worry about here. Additionally, you’d better cast someone amazing to play Mr. Disney. Again, no problem since the namesake studio nabbed Hanks for the title role. For those who love classic Disney films, and Mary Poppins in particular, this movie will fill you with a rare form of elation that derives from deep admiration and fond memories. Some would define that special kind of feeling as…magic.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (PG-13)

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Directed by: Peter Jackson
Starring: Ian McKellen
December 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Peter Jackson sighting before the first line of dialog.
The director, taking a cue from Hitchcock, has made cameos in each Middle-earth movie to date.

A “chance meeting” at Bree. A nice noir-ish setup.

Whitey meets with the necromancer at Dol Goldur. Not a pleasant portent.
Had a brain cramp in the theater…should’ve known how to spell Dol Guldur.

Don’t know that I’d chance Mirkwood without Gandalf.
In fact, I’m absolutely positive I wouldn’t.

Bilbo pulls a Pippin by plucking at a web.
Hobbits are nice folk, but they’re not exactly the sharpest swords in the armory are they?

Bilbo above the forest...one of my favorite scenes from the book. Beautifully realized.

Creepy spider scene isn’t nearly as skin-crawling as the bug scene in Jackson’s
King Kong.
Which is actually a good thing.

Imprisoned Dwarf yells “Bilbo” and everyone in the audience says shhhh. Now that’s funny!

Dwarves in Barrels. Sounds like a board game. It would make a heck of an amusement park ride though.

“This is not a nice place to meet.” Ha!
It’s all about Sylvester McCoy’s delivery here.

Lots of decapitations in this one. The twitching Orc is a bit much.
This type of twitching is probably the only thing orcs and chickens have in common.

Lake Town is brilliantly visualized.
This is actually an understatement. The design elements here, with a gelid river writhing through the quaint village and snow gently falling from the melancholy sky, have created one of the more immersive environments in all of Jackson’s Middle-earth; second, perhaps, only to Rivendell.

Random observation: Evangeline Lilly looks quite fetching with Vulcan ears.

“I have the only right.” Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Bard.

Arkenstone equals MacGuffin: Bilbo’s purpose is revealed.

Treasure under the mountain makes Scrooge McDuck’s vault look like a piggy bank.

Athelas. Remember that from the first
LOTR?
Need another hint? Kingsfoil.

Nice walnut pillow. I guess the people in Lake Town really are poor.

Legolas is like a Jedi in this one.
But are his powers here a little too unrealistic? I mean, he’s more formidable here than in the LOTR films…and he’s not even supposed to be here since Legolas doesn’t appear in Tolkien’s The Hobbit.

Final analysis: A weaker ending but a better overall effort than the paint-by-numbers first film.
By weaker ending I mean the creation and cohesion of the giant golden image of the dwarf king. Contrived and improbable.

Some creative departures from the book here, but most of them work just fine.

Rating:
3 out of 4 stars. Smaug’s comeuppance and the Battle of Five Armies yet to come. Stay tuned.

Bottom line: This film is a marginal improvement over the first Hobbit, but certainly isn’t on par with the LOTR trilogy. There are numerous departures from Tolkien’s book and some are incredibly intense, like Gandalf’s showdown with the Necromancer at Dol Guldur, while others are highly questionable, like the barrel scene. In the book and 1977 animated film, the barrel scene is a tranquil passage, but in the film the momentary respite from the incessant perils of their journey is transformed into a protracted action sequence storyboarded with an eye toward a possible video game release. Jackson gets a bit cutesy here, like Lucas did with most of the action scenes in his prequels. Still, other elements in the film are nearly transcendent, like the eponymous dragon, which is startlingly brought to life by Weta Digital and Benedict Cumberbatch’s eerily malevolent voiceover. Smaug definitely lives up to its billing as the movie’s deliciously duplicitous drake. So will the third Hobbit installment supersede the first two films? If wishes were dragons... Hopefully Jackson will bring the quality of the third film up to the level of the LOTR while bridging the gap between trilogies. When I tell you that Jackson needs to up his game, I’m not just blowing smoke.

Dallas Buyer's Club (R)

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Directed by: Jean-Marc Vallee
Starring: Matthew McConaughey
November 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Emaciated McConaughey is virtually unrecognizable.
Following in the footsteps of Tom Hanks (Philadelphia, Cast Away) and Christian Bale (The Machinist), McConaughey, emaciating himself almost beyond recognition, sold out for this role. McConaughey’s appearance adds immeasurably to the veracity of his performance.

Low T cell count equals a dire prognosis.
The first time I ever heard of T cells was ST:TNG’s “Genesis” where the crew devolves into an assortment of early primates. But that has absolutely nothing to do with this movie. Feel free to tip me on the way out.

“Screw the FDA, I’m gonna’ be DOA.”
Great line.

Playing cards in the hospital with Ms. Man.

Building a clientele the hard way.

A line at the motel to buy memberships.

World tour to procure life saving meds.
Why was it so difficult and why was the FDA (Federal Death Agency) so slow to respond to the AIDS crisis?

To wild flowers and bone-in rib-eyes.
Nothing wrong with that toast…unless you eat the flowers and use the steak as a centerpiece.

The high pitched ringing is back. Not a good sign.
Or sound, as it gets annoying after a few minutes.

Final analysis: a new career landmark for McConaughey in a role not soon forgotten.

Rating:
3 out of 4. A realistic portrait of AIDS in the 80s & the extreme measures taken to find a cure.

There can be no doubt that this is a superlative, career defining performance by McConaughey. And let’s not forget Jared Leto and Jennifer Garner who are also terrific in the film in pivotal supporting roles. The subject matter here certainly isn’t breezy popcorn fare, but the movie’s historical significance and cultural relevance is undeniable. What should’ve ended as a tragedy is an inspirational tale of a man who wouldn’t take no for answer and in the process managed to save his life and the lives of countless others in the process.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (PG-13)

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Directed by: Francis Lawrence
Starring: Jennifer Lawrence
November 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Katniss is definitely one person I wouldn’t sneak up behind...especially if her bow & arrow were in hand.
That would be a quick way to spring a leak.

It’s snowing outside with Snow inside. “Convince me,” the prez says.

Stubborn and good with a bow...an accurate characterization of Katniss.

Peeta goes off script. A touching moment.

The occupation of District 12. Dark times ahead.
I pray that things never get so bad that this happens in our country.

Hoffman proposes a “wrinkle” for the Quarter Quell, and it’s a big one.

Finnick offers Katniss a sugar cube. Maybe if he’d offered chocolate he would’ve gotten a better result.

Mags teaches Katniss how to make a fishhook. Soon after, Katniss gives a clinic in archery.
Good scenes that play out much as they did in the book.

The mockingjay dress is quite a spectacle.
Is it scientifically feasible though?

Let the games begin.
A furious commencement to the competition here, just like in the book. But this cornucopia is surrounded by a noticeably different environment than the one in the first Games.

Hoffman orders a cannon prepared for Peeta’s apparent demise.

Haymich sends a spile...a refreshing gift.

A morphling’s sacrifice. What does it portend?

Attack of the jabberjays. Hitchcock would be proud.

Funny how Katniss never runs out of arrows or that they never spill out of her quiver.

The revolution begins. On their way to District 13 in time for the next movie.

Final analysis: excellent adaptation of Suzanne Collins’ superb second novel in
The Hunger Games series.
And just like the Harry Potter and Twilight series, Collins’ final book, Mockingjay, will be adapted into two movies.

Excellent directing by Francis Lawrence (
I Am Legend), and pitch perfect acting all around.

The film maximizes on all of the major events & emotional moments in the book while adding some new twists.

Rating:
3 1/2 out of 4 stars. Deeper and darker than the first film. Has set the stage for a rousing finale.

Some have boldly averred that this sequel is The Empire Strikes Back of The Hunger Games series. Although far too loft an assertion, Catching Fire is a darker and deeper than the first film. A superb sequel that capitalizes on the solid groundwork established in the first film, the sequel lives up to its name by raising the stakes and tossing its characters into the crucible of political turmoil and civil unrest…and into yet another arena where even more slayings occur. The movie diligently follows Collins’ novel, which seemed to come readymade for the big screen, and who’s to say it wasn’t written with an eye toward a potential cinematic blockbuster. This is one instance where strict adherence to the source material was the wisest choice possible. If I were a big shot at Lionsgate, I’d rush the two remaining films into production immediately to ensure actor Lawrence’s continued involvement with the series. Something tells me that with all the Oscar attention Lawrence has been garnering lately projects like The Hunger Games will soon be a thing of the past for this emerging A-list actress.

The Counselor (R)

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Directed by: Ridley Scott
Starring: Michael Fassbender
October 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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The graphic opening is tastefully and artistically shot.

24-karat conversation with the jeweler. Talk about multi-faceted.

#HaveYouBeenBad. There’s the line made popular by the trailer.

Pitt’s joke about why Jesus wasn’t born in Texas is hilarious.
A tad sacrilegious, but still very funny.

How did the cops catch up to the motorcycle if it was going 206 mph?

Desert Star Septic. “We pump it all!” Now that’s marketing at its finest.
Winston Rothschild, III (Jeff Lumby), a septic tank worker on the Canadian comedy The Red Green Show had the slogan: “We take the stink off your hands.” Just proves that toilet humor will never die.

What if another vehicle had happened by before the motorcycle arrived?
I only ask because this sort of plan never succeeded in the Roadrunner cartoons.

“Grief is worthless.” Deep philosophical terrain.

Pitt’s demise is gruesome.

Final analysis: immaculately filmed, well acted with a peerless script by Cormac McCarthy.
Who wrote the post-apocalyptic novel The Road, which became a motion picture in 2009 and starred Viggo Mortensen.

Should be renamed “Sex, drugs and cheetahs.”

Rating:
3 out of 4 stars. Adult themes abound accompanied by scathing commentary on human flaws.

This is a well acted/directed “immorality play” that reveals the dark underbelly of the drug trade along the Texas/Mexico border. Nothing really shocks here—we typically associate these behaviors, lifestyles and actions with those who manufacture, transport, buy and sell drugs. Crime doesn’t pay and the comeuppance received by the characters here is consistent with the truth of that universal maxim.

Thor: The Dark World (PG-13)

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Directed by: Alan Taylor
Starring: Chris Hemsworth
November 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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With apologies to MC.

The dark elves...those are called goblins, right? Total
LOTR opening.

Loki wants his birthright, gets a dungeon instead.
Echoes of Jacob and Joseph’s stories in the Bible.

Thor vs. Goliath. Short fight.

Something about planet Vanaheim reminds me of the prototypical worlds seen on
Stargate SG1.

Portman enters the titular dark realm. Something tells me Amidala is no longer on Naboo.

Thor and Portman beam up. Welcome to Asgard.

Predator guy deactivates the Gungan shield protecting Odin’s fortress.
Sorry, mixed my movie metaphors on this one.

Stan Lee wants his shoe back.
Eh, he can afford a replacement.

Selvig streaks at Stonehenge. Thank God for pixel blurring.

Loki vs. four dark elves. Thor vs. Predator.
The fight schedule really fills up here…much like it did in The Avengers.

Thor hangs his hammer on a coatrack. Hilarious!

Convergence circles of the nine worlds are sweet.

Nice ending twist.
Or twist ending.

Final analysis: story took a long time to get going and wasn’t all that engaging once it did.

Certainly not the worst superhero movie ever, but far from spectacular.

The plot is a pastiche of
LOTR, Star Wars, Star Trek and even First Knight. Not much originality.
In the case of the latter film, I reference the shared scene of a launched flaming arrow igniting the pyre atop a floating raft.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Not nearly as enjoyable as the first film, but not without its merits.

This film just rolled along and at movie’s end I was kinda’ like “is that it?” Though the movie is an enjoyable entertainment, I never once felt emotionally engaged, never once felt that our hero was in any real jeopardy and felt that the story, for all its high-end FX and well choreographed fight scenes, is just ho-hum. Hopkins gives the film appropriate gravitas, as he did in the first film, and Tom Hiddleston serves as an effective wild card element in the story. Hemsworth and Portman are exceedingly cardboard in their roles…a major disappointment. One other thought: London keeps getting picked on in sci-fi/superhero movies (Star Trek: Into Darkness, Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, etc). Let’s pick on Miami or Dallas for a change. Poughkeepsie?

12 Years a Slave (R)

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Directed by: Steve McQueen
Starring: Chiwetel Ejiofor
November 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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The N word is used in the first line of dialog. Could be a rough film to stomach.

The horizontal mambo is filmed horizontally. Fitting.

Waking up in chains. Apparently there’s no such thing as a free dinner.

Giamatti sells slaves to the ubiquitous Cumberbatch.
C’Batch washed the bleach out of his hair for this one.

“You are no better than prized livestock.” Woah!
A bit of jealousy perhaps?

The letter goes up in flames...and hope of freedom along with it.
Just when things couldn’t get any worse.

Pitt challenges Fassbender on what is true and right. Some great dialog in this scene.

The whipping sequence is unbearable.
Not quite as unconscionably inhumane as the scourging in The Passion of the Christ (2004), but horrific just the same.

From Platt back to Solomon.
What a difference a name makes.

Final analysis: a difficult movie to navigate emotionally.

Not an enjoyable entertainment, but an educational one.

Rating:
3 out of 4 stars. Fine acting and directing, but rough subject matter makes it difficult to watch.

It goes without saying that this isn’t popcorn entertainment, so it’s suggested that one be in the right mood or state of mind when subjecting oneself to the more uncomfortable or objectionable aspects of this film. The historical attention to detail here is staggering and the overall production is fittingly praise-worthy. The story is compelling and the acting is superb, especially Chiwetel Ejiofor as main character Solomon Northrup. This is the kind of story that can very easily feel like a dramatized documentary, but fortunately, director Steve McQueen (not the guy who jumped the barbed wire fence on a motorcycle) turns the historical events into a riveting drama. This is edutainment at its finest.

Ender's Game (PG-13)

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Directed by: Gavin Hood
Starring: Harrison Ford
November 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Been waiting a long time for this one. Earnestly praying that it lives up to Card’s amazing novel.
Amazing and award winning: Hugo and Nebula…the two highest honors in science fiction writing. Yes, the novel is that good! Possibly the finest example of military sci-fi ever written.

“This won’t hurt a bit.” Famous last words.

Don’t mess with Ender. The bullied becomes the bully.

Caesar, Napoleon...Ender?

Dap, the drill sergeant, is perfect.

“Your mother cheated, that’s why you look like a plumber.” Ha!
It’s been a lifelong ambition of mine to possess the ability to deliver, in the spur of the moment, a cut down this good.

Practice session in the battle room. Nice sequence.

Ender promoted to the army of misfit soldiers.

Bonzo is a bozo.
This kid is a great actor, though…Moises Arias. He played the memorable goof in The Kings of Summer earlier this year.

Lots of shots of characters peering through windows.
A visual motif that echoes John Ford’s use of doorways in The Searchers (1956).

Graduation day. The final simulation.

“Stay calm...shoot straight.” A nice T-shirt saying.

“The way we win matters.” What a line and what a scene.

Final analysis: a faithful adaptation of Card’s novel with gorgeous visuals and top-notch production values.

Rating:
3 1/2 out of 4 stars. For all of its action, the movie broaches some heavy-hitting ethical issues.

Though some will compare this movie to Robert Heinlein’s Starship Troopers (the book, not the campy 1997 movie directed by Paul Verhoeven), the connective tissue between both stories is fairly tenuous beyond a couple major themes and tropes. The acting is superb here and the training exercises and space battle sequences are utterly spellbinding. Universal themes of courage, teamwork and the meaning of honor are effectively woven into a narrative tapestry that somehow manages to cohere despite its surfeit of action sequences; certainly a breath of fresh air from most action oriented blockbusters these days, which consistently suffer from anemic screenplays. Exhilarated that Card’s superlative military sci-fi novel has been realized on the big screen at long last and relieved that director Gavin Hood didn’t mishandle such ingenious source material, I hope the author is as proud of this effort as I am.

The Fifth Estate (R)

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Directed by: Bill Condon
Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch
October 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Talk on whistleblower is intriguing.

The nucleus of a radically new approach to the dissemination of information.

I’m no Sherlock, but I’m pretty sure someone poured bleach into Cumberbatch’s shampoo bottle.

“Courage is contagious.”
Platitudinous but true.

Cumberbatch and Thewlis lock horns.
Nothing like a little professional competition to ratchet up the drama.

Two couples exited the theater during the multiple wipe montage.
The plot might be hard to follow for some. Others might be like “who cares?”

“Am I interrupting something?” The pursuit of truth has its consequences.
And some people have no boundaries…or common decency.

Alexander Siddig sighting. Any
DS9 fans out there?
Dr. Bashir, I presume.

Collateral murder...big leak.

An information war with the US government. Assange makes a deal with The Guardian.
Did he sell out?

Thewlis’ conversation about the creation of the fourth estate is exceptional.

So is Cumberbatch’s extended, edited monologue in the final scenes of the movie.

Final analysis: an important film that effectively, if not adroitly, tells the story of WikiLeaks.

Afflicted by a furiously paced narrative that requires frequent visits to Wikipedia in order to keep up.

The filming style is irksome at times and the story runs twenty minutes too long.

Still, Cumberbatch is utterly captivating and Linney and Tucci turn in solid supporting performances.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Not very exciting or entertaining, but worthwhile because of its message.

This isn’t the type of film most people would naturally gravitate toward, unless they’re C’batch fans or are interested in the subject matter, since it’s more educational than entertaining. Still, the educational component is salient since we’re all affected by media and the dissemination of information. It’s a brave new world out there and thank goodness for Assange for daring to expose corporate and political corruption both here and abroad.

Escape Plan (R)

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Directed by: Mikael Hafstrom
Starring: Sylvester Stallone
October 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Don’t know why, but I always spell his name wrong…should read Sly and Schwarz. With many apologies to the former Governator, who will undoubtedly hunt me down and make me pay for such a transgression.

Sly’s deconstruction of his breakout. Nifty sequence.
But is it too much like a magician revealing how he did a trick?

Chip is extracted...Houdini is on his own.

M.C. Escher must’ve designed this prison.

Sly meets the “favor man.”
A macho meet-cute.

“You hit like a vegetarian.” Ha!

A new challenge for the breakout artist. A cover story created.

The prison doctor has a familiar bearing. I think he was an archaeologist in a former life.

Lots of wipes now to speed the story along.
Very smart since there isn’t much story here to begin with.

Plan B. How long can you hold your breath?

Final analysis: far better than I thought it was going to be. Still a bit B tier, but entertaining.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars. A headier brand of action movie which suits the aging stars. A decent flick.

I have to admit, this movie was far better than I thought it was going to be. A movie headlined by two aging 80s action stars is an amusing stunt from a marketing perspective, but from the vantage of a ticket-buying spectator, the film seemed less than promising. Surprisingly, the serviceable story maintains interest throughout and the actors aren’t as wooden as would be expected. Though Sly walks around with a perpetual stinger in his neck and Schwarz doesn’t look half the man he used to be, both actors have fun with their parts and it’s that good-natured ribbing between the two “manly man” leads that carries the film—their chemistry is undeniable and such synergy propels the movie through improbable plot twists to its harrowing climax. All in all, this is a satisfying popcorn action picture that will tide you over until the next Expendables movie.

Captain Phillips (PG-13)

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Directed by: Paul Greengrass
Starring: Tom Hanks
October 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Phillips runs a tight ship. Safety drills are abruptly interrupted.

Warship ruse turns back one skiff. Well played, Phillips.

Skinny stages a coup.

One pirate makes the same mistake John McClain did in the first
Die Hard...never walk around barefoot.
Unless you’re a Hobbit.

Stay put in seat 15.
I don’t think I’d move a muscle. Probably wouldn’t breathe either.

Phillips caught writing a note in class. Pays the price.

Three tangos down. Game over.

Not all of this blood is mine. Phenomenal acting by Hanks.
We’ve been waiting for this all movie. A good performance suddenly transforms into the kind of scenery-chewing extravaganza we’ve come to expect from Hanks.

Final analysis: a taut biopic that delivers just what you expect it to.
But little more.

Maintains suspense throughout, but never reaches thriller level intensity.

Rating: 3 out of 4 stars. Everything works here except for the predictable “true story” plot.

Paul Greengrass’ (The Bourne Ultimatum) direction is a bit safe here. Everything about the story feels paint-by-numbers. The movie is important for its historical significance, but if the movie had any less dramatic urgency it would be a documentary. Hanks, though central to the story, seems to take a back seat to Skinny and the Glass Walkers (would make a great blues band name). As was mentioned earlier, Hanks only shines in one scene near the end of the film…an egregious waste of his talent. This story was big news in 2009. As such, what the movie gains in familiarity it looses in originality. Or to put it another way, it’s hard to build suspense when the audience already knows what’s going to happen in the end (like when viewing Titanic or The Perfect Storm). A thriller with a foregone conclusion isn’t much of a thriller.

Machete Kills (R)

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Directed by: Robert Rodriguez
Starring: Danny Trejo
October 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Spilled is probably a better usage of the word.

70s style “prevue” is a hoot.

Three different armies in as many minutes. The bloodbath begins.
This initial bloodletting, which comes even before the first evidences of a plot have coalesced, clues us into the fact that everything else in the movie will take a back seat to the action sequences.

Mr. Machete Goes to Washington.

“Machete don’t smoke.” Ha!

Machete don’t tweet either. Fortunately I do.
However, these “Machete don’t ____” gags are getting tired at this point.

Helicopter homicide is disgusting.
And utterly unrealistic.

Mexican standoff in a Mexican restaurant ends with a bang.

OMG! Vergara’s body part weapons are...words fail.

Molecule blaster is gross, but humorous.

The
Star Wars and Star Trek allusions are becoming intolerable.
The ending gets extremely gimmicky and borrows heavily from a plethora of genre movies.

Final analysis: bloodier and more outlandish than the original, if possible.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Will this film earn enough money to justify the promised sequel? Voz knows.

This movie is a profound disappointment. The first film was also a bloodbath, but it was amusing and had more than its share of heartfelt chuckles. Here, the laughs are strained and far too many of them are accompanied by eye rolls. Rodriguez’ first Machete (2010) allowed us to experience the lighter side of a splatter-fest; the slayings were so elaborate, so frequent and so graphic that they bordered on the comedic. In this sequel, far too many of the action scenes are gross or gratuitous and lack the degree of levity that made the first film such a guilty pleasure. As for the supporting players, Sofia Vergara is way over-the-top and Mel Gibson’s villainous Voz is just strange—even by Mel’s standards. Hopefully Rodriguez will right the ship for Machete Kills Again.

Gravity (PG-13)

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Directed by: Alfonso Cuaron
Starring: Sandra Bullock
October 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Previews are still running...the optimal time to take a Dramamine. Gonna’ be a bumpy ride.

“Can’t beat the view.” No kidding.

Why doesn’t Bullock have a thruster pack? Not as big of a star as Clooney?
Guess NASA can only afford one…government cutbacks and all.

Marvin the Martian sighting.
A great inside gag.

Don’t know that I’d be sharing my life story with 2% oxygen remaining.
Consider this a nitpick. Although, silence wouldn’t serve the story very well, would it? I mean, Cast Away (2000) in space probably wouldn’t have sold too many tickets.

Why doesn’t Clooney climb over Bullock to safety?
You can apologize for any accidental groping once safely back inside the station.

Fetal position in zero G. Artistic shot.

Should’ve ejected the chute first.
Hindsight is 20/20. However, Bullock is a highly trained astronaut and should know better, emotions notwithstanding.

Soyuz out of gas...time to get out and push.
Princess Leah might volunteer for that job.

Brilliant use of fire extinguisher.
Bullock must’ve seen WALL-E (2008).

Final analysis: should’ve named it Oxygen since the characters and audience are gasping for air all movie.

Rating:
3 out of 4 stars. Visually breathtaking and intense from start to finish.

Immaculately realized by director Alfonso Cuaron and brilliantly framed by cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki, this is a gorgeous film. Even in 2D the film is so immersive that you actually feel like you’re in outer space. Though some of the film’s science is dodgy, it’s really the film’s visual splendor that makes it an unforgettable cinematic experience. Bullock and Clooney turn in decent performances, but the real star of the film is that gigantic blue globe hovering in space. At movie’s end, when Bullock defiantly, triumphantly drags herself out of the water and stands fully erect on the beach in a low angle shot, do you get the sense that Cuaron is attempting to show the culmination, indeed evolution, of Kubrick’s chimps in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)? Or maybe it’s merely a beautifully framed shot.

Prisoners (R)

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Directed by: Denis Villeneuve
Starring: Hugh Jackman
September 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Be prepared...Jackman’s diatribe on survival is advisable but extreme. A harbinger of things to come?

Using the Chinese zodiac as a pick up line. A valiant attempt.
Wait, is this an inside joke? Jake Gyllenhaal also starred in Zodiac (2007).

Dano wraps his RV around a tree. The mystery deepens.

Instead of searching the forest shouldn’t they be canvassing the neighborhood?
Oops…spoke too soon. I just hate it when stories have to catch up to me.

A basement without stairs. You couldn’t pay me enough.

Don’t ignore the necklace on the stiff.

Dano made a big mistake in angering the Wolverine.

Jackman goes Jack Bauer on Dano. Brutal scene.
Definitely not for the faint of heart. This whole subplot has a tragic The Ox-Bow Incident (1943) quality to it.

Creeper at the wake. Are we dealing with a cult?

Creeper in the house.

Jake’s shirt is always buttoned up...hiding a necklace?

Creeper’s house has curious wall designs.

“The war we wage with God.” Frightening!
There are some real sickos out there.

As we learned in Titanic, never underestimate the power of a whistle.

Final analysis: moody atmosphere is palpable from the start. Taut yarn that’s accompanied by fine performances.
The ending could’ve gone a couple different ways, but I’m okay with the resolution they chose.

Perhaps a bit too leisurely in its pacing, but is engaging from start to finish.

Does an excellent job of challenging our notion of what constitutes a monster.

Rating:
3 out of 4 stars. A psychological thriller more than a physical one, but it will stand the test of time.

This is a very intelligent and emotionally supercharged thriller. It’s so good, in fact, that it was exceedingly difficult to keep from spoiling several of the story’s main plot points, which I managed to do anyway in certain instances. Amusingly, one of my “spoilers” is an unintentional red herring, so don’t always believe what you read. Some of the torture scenes are not recommended for those with a weak stomach. However, if you made it through 24 okay, you should be fine here.

The Lone Ranger (PG-13)

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Directed by: Gore Verbinski
Starring: Johnny Depp
July 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Not to be confused with Arm & Hammer.

Kid looses a red balloon. Don’t worry, it’ll end up in France.
With much appreciation to Lamorisse’s masterwork.

Not so still life at the museum. Guess we’ll be seeing Stiller and Wilson in a minute.

A bird in a cage...nice symbolism.
But overdetermined?

Train wreck not nearly as exciting as the one in Super 8 or as realistic as the one in The Fugitive.

Hammer’s hat is as white as the spirit horse. Nice to see that Western tropes are still alive and well.

Nothing like waking up on top of the world. Good thing the LR doesn’t sleepwalk.

Feeding the rabid rabbits...the movie’s first silly scene.
It just doesn’t fit with the rest of the movie, which works very hard to establish the “reality” of its world.

Spirits for the spirit horse.
We’ve seen this gag in a thousand Westerns and it just never seems to get old.

Do horses really eat scorpions?

Nice montage during the prayer.

Moonlit arrows raining down...an amazing visual.
…but isn’t this something you’d expect to see in a sword and sorcery film and not a Western?

Ah, The William Tell Overture. Just in time for the rousing climax.

Final analysis: far better than I thought it would be, but ran twenty minutes too long.

Gorgeous Western vistas and solid performances all around from the diverse cast.
I don’t know how Verbinski roped Tom Wilkinson into doing this project, but I’m glad for the veteran actor’s presence here.

Probably didn’t score with audiences as well as expected because it was billed as being funnier than it is.
And adding Depp to the cast certainly validated such expectations.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4 stars. A solid effort, but will the LR ride again in a sequel?

Wow, I thought old Tonto would’ve fainted in the scorching desert by now!

Other than the above observations, it’s hard to say where this Walt Disney/Jerry Bruckheimer production went wrong. Perhaps it was a matter of timing or viewer interest in the subject itself—Westerns haven’t dominated at the box office for quite some time. Hammer doesn’t have the drawing power that Depp does, but Depp’s presence, by itself, should’ve ensured blockbuster status for this film. The movie’s soft-core action scenes and comedy-lite screenplay most likely added to the movie’s malaise and mediocre box office. Either way, Depp probably won’t be applying the face mud again any time soon. And considering what it’s composed of, that might not be such a bad thing.

Kick-Ass 2 (R)

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Directed by: Jeff Wadlow
Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson
August 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Shooting her friend in the back. With friends like her...

Absent for her perfect attendance award.

Dr. Gravity to the rescue.
This is one funny sequence. You just never know when some random vigilante will appear to save your butt in this comic book world. Apparently there’s no such thing as deus ex machina in this world either.

“You’re gonna need a bigger jar.” NK. Especially with her potty mouth.

These wanna-be superheroes remind me of the misfits in
Mystery Men.
The 1999 comedy is highly recommended for those who, like me, have a warped sense of humor.

Fight moves at dance team tryouts is a really nice sequence.
Or maybe it was cheerleader tryouts…I don’t remember. Don’t care either.

Will the “date ditch” impel Hit Girl into taking up her mantle again?

Starting to turn into Mean Girls. The puke taser is gross.
No description required.

Battle royale. Great protracted battle between Hit Girl and Mother Russia.

Final analysis: as brutal and crass as the first film, but still quite entertaining.
I still miss Nicolas Cage’s Big Daddy, though. Probably my all-time favorite role of his…which still isn’t saying much.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Some good messages sandwiched between action scenes.

Compared to the first, controversial film, the sequel seems somewhat tame by comparison. With no origin story to give it context and structure, the sequel focuses on Mintz-Plasse’s 2.0 version villain and a gaggle of B and C tier “Superheroes/Super villains.” Not as clever or incisive as its forebear, this follow-up film makes a valiant attempt at superseding the first film, but in the end gets its butt kicked by the original.

Closed Circuit (R)

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Directed by: John Crowley
Starring: Eric Bana
August 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Steven Knight.

Multi-camera opening reminds me of a Person of Interest episode.

“Fair and transparent.” Broadbent certainly isn’t referring to the US justice system.

Judge lays out the rules for the case...the relational ticking time bomb is set.

42191. The mystery deepens.

Cross-cutting between both sides of the investigation keeps the plot rolling along.

Broadbent warns Bana not to stray. A taut exchange.
The plot reveals its hand at this point though…Knight should’ve worked a little harder to shroud the purpose and function of this antagonist.

“Thou shalt not communicate” commandment is broken. Ramifications could be far-reaching.

Howe grills Witness X. Wow!
Hell hath no fury…and boy does she unleash it.

New plan...get him to the court on time.
They skip the whopper of a topper though.

Breakfast with Broadbent. “Let it go.”
Also Henry’s advice to his son in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989).

Final analysis: a decent spy yarn infused with the appropriate degree of paranoia.

Features fine performances all around and boasts deft direction.
By John Crowley.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Non-thrilling Thriller sputters down the runway but never quite takes off.

The abilities of some truly fine actors were squandered here. The story isn’t very gripping from the outset and never really goes anywhere…well, nowhere exciting anyway. Cut from the same narrative cloth as Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011), this film is a slow boil political yarn that fails to deliver the major climax we anticipate. And how many times must Bana be told to back off the case before he gets it…or gets it? Long after the audience is bored to tears, I suspect.

Paranoia (PG-13)

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Directed by: Robert Luketic
Starring: Liam Hemsworth
August 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Opening narration: a lament over the death of the American Dream.
Which gives rise to those who want to get rich quick. The movie chronicles the fate of such individuals.

To climb the corporate ranks, Liam must loose the attitude.

“Fit in to get in.” Personality makeover coaching.

New flat and new office. Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but I’d check for bugs.
As Jeff Goldblum said in Jurassic Park, “Boy, do I hate being right all the time!”

Multiple character beats. The middle is sagging.

Lunch at the club...clash of the titans.

Phones out, batteries on the table. Hi-tech disarmament.
This is how we do it in the modern era. In peaceful settlements in the Old West, gunslingers would be asked to hand over their guns as they rode into town.

“Someone is always listening.”
Not exactly a news flash.

Double-cross times two.

Final analysis: simple premise, straight-forward plot and minimal intensity. Nothing we haven’t seen before.

Rating:
2 out of 4 stars. A film that desperately tries to be on the cutting-edge but offers nothing new.

The early stages of this movie set up well, especially the opening narration, but the story is rushed through its paces in a similar fashion to how Hemsworth (Thor’s brother) is seemingly, instantaneously and miraculously transformed into a marketing genius that will act as a Trojan horse inside Harrison Ford’s company. To be sure, it’s a farfetched plot, but I wouldn’t mind such an outlandish premise so long as the story actually went somewhere…which it doesn’t. The “action” scenes have very little action and the resolution is contrived to the point of incredulity. I expected much more from this Ford vs. Oldman showdown, but the story’s impact and relevance are negligible.

The World's End (R)

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Directed by: Edgar Wright
Starring: Simon Pegg
August 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!


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Hopefully this will be less offensive than the other recent apocalyptic film, This Is the End.
Though both movies share a similar title, this effort is more creative and less offensive than Rogan’s raunch-fest.

Pegg’s opening narration ends in an unexpected location.

Reunion of pals and a road trip in the Beast.
This wouldn’t officially be a buddy movie without a road trip.

Pegg’s rapid-fire speech to the motel attendant is hilarious.
Wonder how many takes it took.

First stop on the golden mile. A toast to kids wherever they may be.

Mum calling...oops.
Busted!

Fisticuffs in the bathroom. A whole new meaning to blue bloods.

Live on stage: The Marmalade Sandwich.
Truly a snicker worthy band name.

Scars and memories...the things that make us human.
In Cars 2 it was dents. Same dif.

Giant modern art statue is reminiscent of Gort.
The plaque must read: “Klaatu Barada Nikto.”

Final analysis: borrows liberally from The Day the Earth Stood Still and Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Not nearly as good as
Hot Fuzz or Shaun of the Dead. Also, what a strange ending.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars. The slow start and strange finish detract from this marginally amusing tale.

Although the movie coaxes occasional chortles from its audience, classifying it as a comedy would be a bit of a stretch. The whole affair feels low budget and the otherworldly twists in these Pegg penned movies are becoming predictable and pedantic…and pedestrian. The simple premise makes for an uncomplicated movie but also a largely unconvincing one. Still the movie is just interesting enough to divert its audience for a couple hours. But maybe that kind of mindless diversion is all part of their master plan.

Jobs (PG-13)

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Directed by: Joshua Michael Stern
Starring: Ashton Kutcher
August 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Town hall meeting...introducing a tool for the heart.
Inspirational from the word go.

Jobs walks across campus Hobbit-style.

A drug-induced psychosis—hearing classical music in a wheat field.

Stirring things up at Atari. The genesis of Pong.
Boy do those two names bring back memories. Oops…just dated myself.

Friend’s advice, “Nobody wants to buy a computer.” Thankfully, Jobs didn’t listen.
Apparently, in real life, Jobs maintained this notion not his steadfast sidekick Steve Wozniak. But the movie is called Jobs not Woz, so…

“Welcome to Apple Computer.”

Social currency. Make the small things unforgettable.
A shaping philosophy of things to come.

Jobs salvages Macintosh. It’s “insanely good.”
Quality parts make a quality computer. Rocket science to the rest of the industry.

Windows...a blatant rip-off.

Personal/product disconnect plagues Job’s life and work.

A natural extension of the individual. Well said.

Final analysis: an effective biopic that paints in broad strokes while missing some of the fine brush work.

To whit, Pixar, iPhones, iPads and Jobs’ final days before passing.
It would’ve been nice if the movie had featured these Jobs accomplishments and covered his life up to his untimely death. As such, the movie feels like a book with the final chapters torn out.

Still, I wasn’t ready for the movie to end, so the old writer’s adage of always leave them wanting more is fulfilled.

Rating:
3 out of 4 stars. A seamless performance by Kutcher and a fitting tribute to an uncompromising visionary.

Final thought: I write my reviews on tech Jobs pioneered. A debt of gratitude is owed for how he’s changed our lives.

I was initially a bit dubious over Kutcher’s casting in the title role, but I must admit that he delivers an utterly convincing performance as the late inventor extraordinaire. The unheralded technologies pioneered by Jobs (listed above) should’ve been included in the movie, even if in a post-movie crawl of all of his accomplishments. Still, the movie does a fine job of capturing the essence of the man, his shortcomings and his many achievements. This biopic is yet another of Job’s products that’s worth consuming…insidious.

Lee Daniels' The Butler (PG-13)

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Directed by: Lee Daniels
Starring: Forest Whitaker
August 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Off to the shed...this can’t end well.
After all, chickens tend to loose their heads there.

“The law was against us.” A sad commentary of our past.

“We don’t tolerate politics in the White House.” Ironic.
And highly dubious.

Cusack hands out pins. Awkward scene.
An interesting casting choice for Nixon, but an unexpectedly fine performance by Cusack.

The restaurant scene is unbearable...awful beyond words. Inhuman treatment.

Freedom bus takes a wrong turn in ‘bama.
Another gut-wrenching scene.

A tie from one prez and a tie clip from another. Priceless gifts.

Butlers are subversive...interesting viewpoint.
The central thesis of the movie.

Invited to a state dinner...movin’ on up.

“You’ve served your country well.” A statement normally reserved for those in the military. A nice moment.

“I know the way!” You tell him.

Final analysis: rough subject matter at times, but an exceptionally well made/acted film.
The ending is a puff piece for President Obama. The slant here is painfully obvious.

Rating: 3 out of 4 stars. Should be plenty of Oscar nods for this one.

The only drawback here is that the film feels like a documentary at times, reciting the major moments of butler Gaines’ life and career in a fairly straightforward manner…and the “true story” factor does little to discourage this observation. The politics of the film could also serve as a debit depending on which camp you belong to. However, this is an important film that confronts us with an ugly chapter of human history from the not-too-distant past. Story aside, Whitaker seems well positioned for another Oscar nod for his truly fine performance here.

Elysium (R)

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Directed by: Neill Blomkamp
Starring: Matt Damon
August 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Space station looks like it was borrowed from Kubrick’s 2001.

Vow made by boy and girl is similar to the one made at the beginning of Pixar’s
Up.

Parole officer reminds me of
Total Recall’s Johnny Cab.

Shuttles with invalid access codes...I’m having a
Return of the Jedi flashback.
Wow, four movie references in a row. I was on a roll.

“Extraction!” Damon’s had better days at work.

Meeting with Spider—Damon gets Borgified.

Foster’s accent is more annoying than Bale’s gravelly Batman speech.
It’s painfully put on…so obviously not her normal mode of speech.

Damon uses pigs as a blanket.

“The hippo wants a friend.” A touching scene.

Facial reconstruction...like a Spielberg effect in reverse.

Final analysis: engaging dystopian yarn that falls short of
District 9 despite topical themes and stark realism.
District 9 was also directed by Neill Blomkamp and starred Sharlto Copley, who plays the antagonist here.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Mildly disappointing, but still a decent popcorn flick.

There are some gorgeous visuals in this film, especially those involving the titular space station. The Brave New World contrast between classes is pertinent as we continue to see the dissolution of the middle class in our society. The near-future world created by Blomkamp here is astounding, spring-boarding off the success of his similarly themed and styled District 9. Damon is solid, but understated in the film and everyone else is just kinda’ there…playing their parts exactly as you’d expect them to be played. For all of the unbridled, unqualified genius exhibited onscreen, the movie is largely unmoving. Sadly, there’s very little movie magic here…which is disappointing since this film appeared to have incredible potential to become a dystopian masterpiece.

The Way Way Back (PG-13)

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Directed by: Nat Faxon, Jim Rash
Starring: Steve Carell
July 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Poor Duncan...gets a 3 out of 10 rating from Carell and gets dumped on by everyone else.
Pathos is immediately generated for Liam James’ character. From the outset, it’s obvious where our sympathies are intended to reside…a tad telegraphed by co-directors/writers Nat Faxon and Jim Rash.

Did Twisted Sister have an alternate track called “Carry a Laser?” Amanda Peet’s character thinks so.
Correction: Mr. Mister not Twisted Sister. My lack of knowledge regarding 80s music has been exposed.

Rockwell’s humor goes right over Duncan’s head...even his “best stuff.”
This is Rockwell’s most charming role to date.

A smooch before S’mores.
Wanting s’more is precisely what’s getting Carell into trouble.

Duncan’s first day working at the Water Wizz.
Terrible name for a water park. I mean, isn’t the idea to keep the wiz out of the water?

How to unclog a water tube? First, find a hero.

Rockwell’s PA gag is hilarious.
The funniest scene in the film…worth the price of admission.

Commentary on ghost crabs and a failed kiss attempt.

Final analysis: not quite what I expected, but a decent film. Carell’s most unsympathetic role.
I applaud Carell for attempting a different kind of role, but straying too far from his comedic wheelhouse could endanger his career.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4. Though not overly funny at least it wasn’t overly long.

Not as feel good as one would expect from the amazing cast and amusing trailer, the film is a decent indie with solid performances, a sweet teen angst/teen falling in love story and gorgeous on location filming in Massachusetts. There isn’t anything sensational here, just a pleasant slice-of-life, summer vacation yarn.

Blue Jasmine (PG-13)

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Directed by: Woody Allen
Starring: Cate Blanchett
August 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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I intended to say “the cast of millions.” An exaggeration of how Allen typically stuffs his films with a raft of A-list talent.

Ah, the comforting, standard Woody Allen opener. Some things never change.

Andrew Dice Clay...now that’s a casting coup.
And a surprisingly multilayered performance by the 80’s star.

Bad clams and a bad blind date.
Maybe Jasmine can commiserate with Indiana Jones…he almost had a bad date once.

Ali from #TheBachelorette. I’d recognize her anywhere.

A drink with the dentist.

That yellow purse doesn’t match her sister’s outfit.
In fact, it sticks out like a sore thumb…and I’m pretty sure that’s the point. You gotta’ love how people will try to force their one expensive accessory into a variety of outfits just for the perceived prestige it gives them.

Babysitting her sister’s boys...bad idea. Especially the “Edison’s medicine” part.

Final analysis: not top-tier Allen, to be sure, but entertaining and more accessible than
To Rome With Love.

Not nearly as humorous as Allen’s usual fare. The dialog isn’t as whip-smart and witty either.

However, Blanchett’s
tour de force character study of mental unraveling should garner Oscar attention.

Rating:
3 out of 4 stars. Allen’s tale of two sisters is amusing if not moving.

It’s very difficult to manufacture feelings of disappointment over a Woody Allen film, but this outing, barring Blanchett’s Oscar-worthy turn, is B-tier Allen. However, B-tier Allen is still better than 99.9% of the films Hollywood churns out these days. Although the writing suffers a bit in this film, the performances, from top to bottom, are superb. Though taken to the extreme, Blanchett’s Jasmine embodies the collective loss and bitterness our generation feels over having had it all and lost it all during the economic downturn. Most have hunkered down and moved on but some, like Jasmine, are still under the illusion that they can maintain their pre-global recession lifestyle in the present day. It’s a powerful delusion, brilliantly realized by one of the finest female actors of our time.

The Wolverine (PG-13)

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Directed by: James Mangold
Starring: Hugh Jackman
July 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Logan is in the box...River Kwai style.

How about some extra crispy Wolverine as an appetizer?

Guess it’s true what they say...a Wolverine can take down a bear.

Why does Wolvie need a sword? He already has six blades.
Ceremonial, I suppose.

A scrub in the tub, some grooming and there’s the Logan we know.

The old man’s adjustable bed is awesome! Who needs memory foam?

“Time for you to go back to your cave.” Them’s fightin’ words.

Many deaths at the funeral and an assist from the Asian Hawkeye.

Logan treats his bullet wounds on a bullet train.
Sometimes I just can’t help myself.

Fight atop the train is spectacular!

Mission to Mars it is.
Not the mediocre 2000 movie with Gary Sinise.

Beware the blonde with the acid breath.
Always good advice.

I knew the bit about the planted chopsticks.

I’d gladly chop a fallen tree for that smile.
Especially if I had Logan’s physical prowess.

Logan is a ronin--a good description of his existence.

Doing open-heart surgery on yourself...ouch.
Apparently Wolvie took an extension course in heart surgery before joining the X-Men.

“Is that all the men you brought?” Clint Eastwood would be proud.

Wolvie’s taking on more arrows than Boromir.

Did Poison Ivy cross over from the DC universe?

A giant adamantium samurai...now things are getting cartoony.
The big metal guy reminds me of the giant robot in the first Thor movie.

Final analysis: certainly not the worst superhero movie, but far from the best.

Greatly benefits from its Asian backdrop.
But does this locale work for a Wolverine film? What it gains in exotic appeal it looses in suitability for the character.

Honestly, the mid end credit bonus scene was more intriguing than the entire film.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Sets up well but has a weak ending. A soufflé with a few missing ingredients.

Although this film is unquestionably better than X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), it still doesn’t measure up to the quality of the X-Men films. As a standalone episode, this movie works just fine…“The One Where Wolvie Goes to Asia.” But where does this film land in Wolvie’s chronology? What major character revelations do we learn here? How many more X-Men movies will 20th Century Fox get out of Jackman since he’s not only getting older, but also more accomplished as an A-list leading man? Though a decent entry into the character’s personal back story, it’s equivalent to an average storyline in the comic books. Certainly the writers could’ve culled the comics for a more exciting, more cinematic story than this one.

R.I.P.D. (PG-13)

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Directed by: Robert Schwentke
Starring: Ryan Reynolds
July 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Reynolds is double-crossed by his A-list partner.

Mary Louise Parker as St. Peter? She’s in two new releases this week...impressive.
Parker also appears in Red 2.

Indian food sure does bring out the monster in some people.

Reynolds’ old partner can traverse realities? Color me interested.

Eternal affairs...clever.

A singularity forming over a city...didn’t we see this in last summer’s The Avengers?

“She billygoated me.” Eww!

Final analysis: a unique concept that isn’t exploited to maximum effect.
In fact, the premise is dumbed down for maximum commercial appeal.

Thematically and conceptually similar to the Men in Black films.

Bridges steals the show as the Custer-esque, chaw-mouthed veteran who shows Reynolds the ropes. A truly unique role.
The way he sits sidesaddle in the patrol car is a nice character touch.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4 stars. A sequel is almost certainly assured.

I remember laughing out loud when seeing the trailer for this film, thinking “now here’s a clever conceit.” The germ of that conceit—the premise—is the only part of the film that works. As with most Hollywood productions today, it’s poor execution and cursory character development that render this movie a pale reflection of what it could’ve been in more skillful and creative hands. And, also like too many Hollywood films today, R.I.P.D. is far too vulgar and vapid for its own good. Though Universal Studios will work hard to find a way to resurrect this sad effort into a sequel, this DOA plot should be left six feet under. RIP R.I.P.D.

Red 2 (PG-13)

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Directed by: Dean Parisot
Starring: Bruce Willis
July 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Is Malcovich playing possum...again?

Beware Pringles in a shoot out.

Death by origami...not pretty.

Don’t look the Frog in the eye.
Especially if it’s a hypnotoad.

The un-torture scene is uproariously funny.

“I knew she’d play him like a banjo at an Ozark hoedown.” Ha!
I didn’t find Malcovich’s character all that funny in the first film, but virtually every line he delivers in the sequel is side-splitter.

It goes without saying, but Hopkins is fantastic.
The scene where he stages his own breakout is nothing short of brilliant.

Red mercury...is that the predecessor to Trek’s red matter?

Final analysis: a rip-roaring good time. At least as good as the first, perhaps a bit better.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Great action with plenty of laughs. Not a bad way to spend two hours.

Just seeing all of these A-list stars hamming it up together on the big screen is worth the price of admission, but the movie also boasts a serviceable plot populated with snappy dialog and some heart-stopping action sequences. Here’s hoping Red 3 advances the spy spoof series with the same degree of wild and witty action showcased in the first two Red films.

Still Mine (R)

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Directed by: Michael McGowan
Starring: James Cromwell
July 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Side note: Maybe this film can help me recover the brain cells I lost while watching Pacific Rim last week.

Babe Ruth anecdote and commentary on the Great Mystery.

Cromwell’s cows are on the lam. Maybe he should’ve stuck with pigs.

“Seems like there’s some kind of regulation for everything these days.”
Ain’t it the truth? Will we ever have rules that make life easier instead of harder…expand freedoms rather than restrict them?

“Age is just an abstraction; it doesn’t have to be a straight jacket.” Great line.

Grandson gets a tape measuring job. Amusing scene.

Cromwell vs. the inspector...taut scene with superb dialog.

Pine holds a lot of memories...what a profound scene.
This scene has more meaning than many movies have in their entirety.

These telepathic, intercut, scenes across a distance are beautifully conceived and executed.

Cromwell’s monologue in court...wow. Utterly speechless.
Beautiful baseball analogy. Incisive dialog flawlessly delivered by Cromwell in a scene that may go down as his finest.

Final analysis: a deeply moving “true story” of one man’s determination in the midst of multiple hardships.

Oscar-worthy performances by Cromwell and Bujold. Gorgeous direction and a story straight from the heart.

Rating:
3 1/2 out of 4 stars. Aside from its pacing and predictability, this is a nearly flawless film. See it.

You always hear about those rare cinematic treasures that nobody’s seen…add this film to that list.

Pacific Rim (PG-13)

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Directed by: Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud
Starring: Steve Carell
July 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!


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…with a microscopic plot.

Despite being a fan of del Toro’s earlier films, I’m dubious about this one.

A Transformers vs. Godzilla premise seems anemic and the trailer looks too similar to last year’s
Battleship.
In the end, this film might be a hairsbreadth better than Battleship. But that still isn’t saying much.

Jäger bot appears as a giant Ironman.
Correction: Iron Man.

Face-off over a fishing boat.
Whoever wins, I’m pretty sure the boat will lose.

“Wall of Life” is one of the daftest security measures ever conceived.

Why do the creatures attack cities? The entire population of a metropolis would only make one good meal?

Scientist “drifts” with a creature. The key to our survival?

A
BSG rip-off...digital vs. analog technology.
In the pilot film of Battlestar Galactica (2003) that sold the show to Sy-fy, Cylons hack into the computers aboard the Colonial Vipers and immobilize them. To stem the tide of the invasion, the colonists must pull the old, pre-computer Vipers out of mothballs in order to repel the Cylon advance.

Didn’t we just see the mass destruction of a city in Man of Steel?

Pearlman becomes baby’s first meal.

“Today we are canceling the apocalypse.” One of the most stilted lines I’ve heard in some time.
An awful line that made me grimace even when I first heard it in the trailer.

Elba’s entire speech is a cheap imitation of Aragorn’s in The Return of the King.

Wind sound effects underwater?
Well, I guess as long as we have explosions in outer space…

Final analysis: have we finally reached the threshold for the scale of a big budget film?
My fondest wish.

FX are amazing, especially underwater, but the story and characterizations are razor thin.

Rating:
2 out of 4 stars, which is generous for this significantly flawed creature feature.
It’s hard to know where to start with this one. This movie is a profound disappointment owing largely to the fact that del Toro is such an accomplished director with a brilliant sci-fi/fantasy/horror imagination. Very little of that imagination is evident here in what amounts to a contrived action first/story last near future monster vs. technology movie. Character development is flaccid and the dialog is downright abysmal. There isn’t a single aspect of this movie that’s compelling (save for the evocative title which is wasted on this mediocre affair). The movie is just an egregious waste of money and resources…and, worst of all, the audience’s time. The story earns 1 star and the FX garners 3 stars, so a rating of 2, which still seems too high, is fair I suppose.

Despicable Me 2 (PG)

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Directed by: Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud
Starring: Steve Carell
July 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Horseshoe-shaped super magnet appears in the Arctic. A slick sci-fi teaser.

In a jam, Gru considers a new profession.
But before he can make that decision, he lands in a sticky situation. C’mon, that’s better than half the lines in the movie.

The last thing I wanted to see in this family film was a minion in the buff. Eww.

Bad date leads to a better prospect.

Chip hat...fashionable and delectable.
But how often do you need to purchase a new one?

Shouldn’t the mutant minions be able to chew through the cages?
A bit of a spoiler, but a question that exposes this contrived plot point.

Minion mock music videos are exceedingly silly.
But it made the kids laugh, so mission accomplished I suppose.

Final analysis: too many pratfalls by minions and too shallow a plot to be fully enjoyed.
All of the best scenes were spoiled in the trailer.

Too much time was spent in the mall, which is a hackneyed locus for action.

Rating:
2 out of 4 stars. Unremarkable sequel lacks the heart of the original. A Gru-some experience.

With the runaway success of the first film, it was a foregone conclusion that a Despicable sequel would ensue. That effort ended up being pretty safe by trying to turn former super villain Gru into a nice guy (which is far less compelling), adding a possible love interest for Gru (contrived and mushy for a kiddy pic) and amping up the minion mischief (a gimmick to garner more laughs from the target audience). Those preteen spectators won’t notice the decline in story quality, but everyone else in the audience will chalk this one up as mildly disappointing. And annoying: bee-doh, bee-doh, bee-doh…

This is the End (R)

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Directed by: Evan Goldberg, Seth Rogen
Starring: James Franco
June 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Boy was I wrong.

All of the stars as themselves is a curious conceit.
And takes some getting used to…kinda’ odd at first.

A crazy earthquake or a mass beam up?

A passage from Revelation is recited. Apocalypse now?

“Rapey vibe” scene is amusing.

Danny wastes water and is voted off the island.

Jonah’s narcissistic request of God has no prayer of being answered.

Confessions followed by an exorcism.
Two radically different spiritual functions of the Catholic Church.

I thought Gandalf slew the Balrog?

Hollywood’s version of heaven...oh my!
The notion that reprobates who commit one selfless act will be admitted into heaven is absolutely absurd…like most of the movie.

Final analysis: not without moments of humor, but an extremely crass and gross film.
There was a time when jokes about sex organs were considered taboo. And then, at some point, such jokes became acceptable in films. Now we have “humor” based on the fluids that emit from sex organs in comedies like this one. Where will it end? Hopefully this is the end.

Rating: 1 1/2 out of 4 stars for incessant offensiveness and a vapid plot. Expected much more.
Afterthought: despite its transparent “message,” the movie itself has very little that’s redeemable...ironic.

A friend of mine urged me to see this movie because of its heavy dose of the book of Revelation from the Bible. There is indeed a strong eschatological (end times) theme here, but theological accuracy is a whole other matter. Bottom line is that any nods to the Good Book are merely self-serving attempts at providing some semblance of a religious framework to hold together the incessant stream of sewage that pours forth from the characters’ mouths. I repent of my decision to watch this film.

The Kings of Summer (R)

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Directed by: Jordan Vogt-Roberts
Starring: Nick Robinson
August 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Looks like the kind of birdhouse I’d build. My carpenter brother would be mortified.

Game night. Avocado meat?
Goes well with spam pâté.

A montage of horsing around and a man-ifesto.
Ah, to be able to return to such simple times…when life felt limitless and summers seemed to last for years.

Every movie should have a Biaggio. He’s a hoot.

Caught red-handed with Boston Market.
A blatant violation of the Bro Code…not Barney’s.

Proving once again that Monopoly is the most divisive board game ever devised.

Back to civilization. Joe keeps the ‘stache.
The first sign of manhood?

One parting shot of the ramshackle kingdom. Dreams of independence and anonymity can’t last forever.

Stay after the credits for more Biaggio high jinks.

Final analysis: a heart-warming, if quirky, coming of age tale.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Unique enough to find its way into the pantheon of runaway teen movies.

Pacing is definitely an issue here as is the plot, which generates very little tension throughout the movie…even the gimmicky snake scene doesn’t provide much jeopardy. In fact, the film doesn’t even have an antagonist. It does have quite the wild card though in the form of funny man Biaggio (Moises Arias); an unforgettable character that, due to the movie’s indie status, will be enjoyed by far too few people.

Epic (PG)

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Directed by: Chris Wedge
Starring: Amanda Seyfried
May 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Termites holding hands...funny line.

What happens when a three-legged dog stops to scratch?
Depends on how fast it can scratch I suppose, but gravity can be so unforgiving.

The clash of Leafmen and Boggans is an exciting, creative fracas.

“Many leaves, one tree.”
Kinda’ New Agey. Have we slipped back into FernGully: The Last Rainforest (1992)?

Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Seems to be the movie’s mantra.

Fruit fly bit is hilarious!
The funniest gag in the movie.

Jedi-like jumping ability would come in handy.

Boggan fortress has a decided
LOTR look to it.

Moon bloom forestalled.

Final analysis: An imaginative animated fantasy that succeeds despite heavily borrowing from
Arrietty, LOTR & Avatar.
The scene where the scientist finally sees the little people is also reminiscent of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989).

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Despite not living up to its name, Epic is a fun-filled family film.

The movie has some decent moments, but the pastiche plot elements really detract from its potential. The animation is solid, but the story is sub-Pixar, which means it will appeal to its target audience but may be found wanting by adult audience members.

The Internship (PG-13)

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Directed by: Shawn Levy
Starring: Vince Vaughn
June 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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The ode to the wristwatch?

A nice corrective to the fallacious line about the darkness before the dawn in
The Dark Knight.

Will Farrell like you’ve never seen him before.

Phoenix proud...Skype interview is quite humorous.
If a bit overplayed…guys Wilson and Vaughn’s age would know that you don’t have to yell when skyping.

Nice commentary about the twelfth man on the bench.

Luke and Han cosplay...hilarious.

“On the line” is a bit overdetermined.
Again, the writers are working overtime to magnify the inherent differences between the two “old guys” and their younger competitors.

“Re-boot time” is way TMI.

Helpline mishap. What a sinking feeling.

Pitch to Sal is genuinely touching.
This is what’s missing in the business world today—personal connection. And actually caring for the customer.

Final analysis: a farce from start to finish, but heartwarming with a poignant message for those of any age.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars. A feel good, follow your dreams flick.

This movie was far better than what I anticipated after viewing the yuk-yuk trailer. Sure it’s farfetched, but the movie has a lot of heart and a few chuckles to boot. Wilson and Vaughn are terrific together and ooze charm and confidence, respectively. A smart examination of the seemingly widening generation gap, The Internship is entertaining and inspiring.

The Great Gatsby (PG-13)

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Directed by: Baz Luhrmann
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio
May 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Wish I had a quarter for every time DiCaprio says that phrase in the movie.

A mystery caller...awkward.

Never been a fan of anachronistic scores. Rap music in the 20s?
80s pop music ruined Ladyhawke (1985) and modern tunes consistently yanked me out of the “reality” of A Knight’s Tale (2001). I know most people disagree with me over the last one though, but I’ll stick to my lance.

“I’m Gatsby.” What an entrance! Still doesn’t rival the Duke’s in Stagecoach, though.
Or Orson Welles’ in The Third Man (1949) or Rita Hayworth’s in Gilda (1946).

“Perhaps more flowers.” Amusing quip.

The meet-cute. Exquisitely filmed.

It’s raining shirts...gorgeous scene.

The desire to repeat the past. The dangerous lure of nostalgia.

Leo sinking under water. This is becoming a career motif.
“I’ll never let go, Jack.” Psyche!

Final analysis: a towering spectacle. Pitch-perfect casting/acting. Elegant direction by Luhrmann.

Exceedingly high production values accompanied by breathtaking cinematography.

Script is faithful to source material, but not shackled by it.

Rating:
3 out of 4 stars. I think this effort would make its progenitor proud.

Though the book is far from theatrical—it’s a tawdry, high society yarn with noir-ish overtones—Luhrmann’s highly choreographed and stylized shots lend themselves well to what basically amounts to a musical without any musical numbers. The performances are beyond stellar, especially DiCaprio as the tortured title character and Maguire as the wide-eyed protagonist. Mulligan and Edgerton also sizzle as mismatched lovers. All in all, this fine envisioning of Fitzgerald’s novel will stand the test of time.

The East (PG-13)

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Directed by: Zal Batmanglij
Starring: Brit Marling
June 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Now that we’re pulling up the stakes on many summer tentpoles, it’s time for some different fare.
Meatier fare, thank goodness.

I’ve always loved Page’s delivery and Marling was fabulous in the deeply-affecting #AnotherEarth.
A trippy, gut-wrenching film that will have you noodling for days.

Prepare to get your spy on.

After that harrowing opening narration, the movie definitely has my attention.

Marling picks a bad time to become a hobo.

This application of super glue actually works...I’ve had occasion to use it in the past.
Learned it from a master meat cutter when I was apprenticing under him in a former life. Seals the cut and heals remarkably fast.

Wearing a straight jacket to dinner...interesting attire.

Clever place to hide a cell phone.

A deadly toast...a taste of their own medicine.

Spin the bottle...enjoyed at frat parties and cult gatherings everywhere.
When a thought comes, it comes. Don’t know that I’ll ever be able to outdo this one.

Jason Ritter’s character here is virtually identical to the one he plays on #Parenthood. Does he have any range?

Group washing in the lake...weird.

Page confronts her dad...the same actor who plays the VP in
#Homeland.
Actor Jamey Sheridan.

The last jam strikes close to home.

The trash apple scene is unsettling, but is it an act?

Final analysis: a thought-provoking yarn that grapples with the nature of justice.

Should corporations be held responsible for the ecological disasters they create?

Rating:
3 out of 4 stars despite some ponderous pacing. Definitely a water cooler discussion film.

The movie has an undeniable independent feel to it, but has a surprising raft of A-list talent in its cast. There are disturbing scenes here and some challenging ones as well. The movie broaches some important questions, like: which is worse, a corporation that makes millions by ravaging our environment or homegrown terror cells bent on bringing down such companies? The film isn’t exactly popcorn entertainment, but it’s an effective counterpoint to the increasingly vapid and vulgar offerings at the Cineplex.

Monsters University (G)

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Directed by: Dan Scanlon
Starring: Billy Crystal
June 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Starry-eyed Mike on a field trip. A monster is created.

I sense trouble with Mile’s roommate.
Correction: Mike’s roommate…who seems a bit shifty.

Mike and Sulley meet.
A meet-cute of monstrous proportions. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

The dean is fittingly frightening.

What to do when dreams are dashed? Join OK.

Winners of the Scare Games get a Piston Cup?
The Games are the coolest part of the movie. The scene in the library is an instant classic.

Another field trip to the Big Leagues.

Don’s mustache is the Batman symbol.
A tip of the hat to the Caped Crusader by the Pixar artists?

Final analysis: doesn’t posses the unbridled creativity or emotional resonance of the original.
Nor the topical relevance of the original—the power shortages of the early 2000s.

First half is extremely gimmicky, but the plot settles in once the Games begin.

Rating:
2 1/2 out of 4 stars.

Disney’s sequelitis is beginning to infect Pixar, which is a profound tragedy.

Still, when rival DreamWorks can only muster up
Turbo, Pixar is in no danger of being dethroned.

This prequel idea seemed better suited for a straight-to-DVD release rather than a theatrical one. Remember the frenetic sequence inside the factory in the first film, where rows of doors on an assembly line sail by with characters jumping on and through them? Nothing in the sequel even comes close to that level of sheer exhilaration. True, there are a few memorable and heartwarming scenes and it’s mildly entertaining seeing younger versions of Mike and Sulley, but this is a mostly mediocre movie. With Cars 2 and now Monster’s University, Pixar’s quality has clearly suffered at the hands of it’s Disney benefactors who will milk a property until the cows come home rather than producing riskier, original material…you know, the kind of stories that made Pixar great in the first place. It was bound to happen, I suppose, but it’s still sad to see.

World War Z (PG-13)

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Directed by: Marc Forster
Starring: Brad Pitt
June 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Hopefully the movie will be more watchable than the book is readable.
Written by Max Brooks, the book is an oral history of the outbreak and subsequent war on zombies. The “narrative” consists of one character interviewing eyewitnesses to zombie activities in various regions around the globe. I struggled to get through the first fifty pages at which point I promptly shelved the book, where it now sits nestled under a blanket of dust. Maybe since I killed and buried the book it will rise up some day in a mutated form and exact its revenge upon me. Actually, that would be more exciting than the book itself.

Drafting behind a trash truck...smart move.

12 seconds to zombie time.
A very heads-up move by Pitt’s character…amazing presence of mind amid the tumult.

The last place I’d want to be stuck in a zombie apocalypse...Newark.

“Movement is life.”
As opposed to staying in one place when you’re lost.

Roof-top rescue is heart-pounding.
…but was savagely spoiled in the trailer.

Speech on the plane about “serial killer” is utterly fascinating.
One of my favorite scenes in the film. Great dialog and a way of looking at the world that really broadsided me.

You’ve heard not to run with scissors. Same is true for a gun.

A memorable cameo by David Morse.
Clearly his character’s never heard of 1-800-DENTIST.

In the history of poorly timed phone calls...
This is a spoiler, but if you’ve seen the movie you know exactly when this occurs.

The tenth man of Jerusalem. Yep, we’re globe-trotting.

Zombie ladder is absolutely frightening.

You thought snakes on a plane were dangerous, how about the undead?

B wing...into the lion’s den.

Teeth chattering is a bit much.

Final analysis: An effective blend of
Contagion and I Am Legend.

Good action and a fairly airtight plot.
Rating: 3 out of 4 stars. Worth seeing if you can abide zombies.
Otherwise, there’s bound to be lighter fare in an adjoining theater.

This film will probably disappoint audience members expecting all-out action…this is a thinking person’s zombie film. The insult to injury here is that most of the movie’s action sequences are teased in the trailer, so the movie can seem familiar even while watching it for the first time (curse you movie trailers!). However, WWZ is a pleasant surprise because the plot is smart and taut and the performances are well-suited to the alternating exposition/action story line. Although classifying WWZ as a high art zombie film would be a misnomer, it will go down as a serious and scientifically feasible outbreak movie.

Check out my Twitter run for
#LearnFromMyMistake to read an amusing story of what happened to me at the theater the night I watched this movie.

Mud (PG-13)

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Directed by: Jeff Nichols
Starring: Matthew McConaughey
May 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Great atmosphere from the get go.

Ah Michael Shannon again. From villain to deadbeat.

Beanee Weenie’s at the Piggly Wiggly. Yep, we’re in the Deep South.
Correction: Beanee Weenee. Almost got myself in trouble there.

How to un-tree a boat?

“We’re just selling fish.” Intense scene.

Many mixed messages about the nature of love.
Good complexity on this subject throughout the movie.

Bounty hunter convention at the motel.
“We don’t need their scum!”

To Mud’s island at night sans Juniper.

Ellis slugged again and then falls into a pit. Overall, not a banner day for the young boy.

Taut shoot-out on the riverfront.

Ashes to ashes, Mud to mud.
If I had it to do over again, I’d put a question mark at the end of this phrase.

All in all, a starkly real tale of life in the Arkansas swamplands.

Big name actors turn in fine performances, but young actors who play Ellis and Neckbone steal the show.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4. Next up: Prepare yourself for World War Z with Brad Pitt.

A decent indie with a top-notch turn by McConaughey. Witherspoon is perfectly cast and Shepard delivers the kind of solid support you’d expect from such a superb career actor. Beautiful location footage throughout is a big plus. With a strong sense of place, this is a great way to escape for a couple hours into a remote region of our nation.

Man of Steel (PG-13)

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Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Henry Cavill
June 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Correction: Zack Snyder.

Far more epic opening than the original.
However, the prolog is far too protracted and showy for what it needed to be. Snyder tries too hard to dazzle here and during the climactic melee.

“I will find him!” And I thought Michael Shannon was frightening on Boardwalk Empire.

Really interesting way of conveying Clark’s heightened senses in school.
One of the best character moments in the film.

New Fortress of Solitude looks like it was designed by H. R. Geiger.
Correction: H.R. Giger.

The first flight sequences are breathtaking. Love the sonic boom sound.

Origin story is parsed out judiciously.

Notice the symbolism in the stain glass window.
Superman’s messianic attributes have been well documented in film studies. Also, in the moment, I couldn't remember if it’s stain or stained glass. I chose poorly. Past tense is correct.

Don’t tug on Superman’s cape and don’t mess with his mother.
With much gratitude to the late Jim Croce.

Small town skirmish similar to the one in Superman II...but on speed.

Woah...didn’t see that resolution to the final showdown coming.

Welcome to the planet. Clever turn of phrase.

Final analysis: Starts off strong but gets hokey by the end. Borrows too heavily from first two films.
Superman (1978) and Superman II (1980).

Costner and Crowe are superb, both lend the film a great deal of dignity and humanity.

Hans Zimmer’s score is excellent.

In the end, better than the last film, but not as enjoyable as Reeves’ early movies.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4. Will MOS soar or end up as box office Kryptonite?

Writers Goyer and Nolan have attempted to update Superman in a similar manner to what they accomplished in the Batman trilogy. Although the more realistic/less cartoony approach to the material seems to have worked well for the origin story and character development phases of the story, the decision to make the story darker and edgier has squelched the optimism and patriotism that were emblematic of the superhero and his quest from his inception in comic books. It sounds so obvious when stated, but Superman is a different type of hero than Batman and the re-envisioning of the man in tights here is a mostly mediocre affair. As for the movie’s star, Cavill is too earnest and emotionless to play Clark Kent…he’s even more introspective and dour than Bruce Wayne/Batman and brings nothing special to the roll. He certainly doesn’t possess the charm Christopher Reeve endued his Kent/Superman with. The climactic showdown, as shot by Snyder and his cameraman, is nauseating. The handheld camera is jerking back/forth, up/down so much that everything is one gigantic blur…and this is supposed to be thrilling? I had no idea when Superman was hitting or being hit. I’m sure the video game set can keep up with the action just fine, but I dare say a large segment of the audience needed a Dramamine when all was said and done. All told, Snyder’s Superman film is a valiant effort that just doesn’t have the same appeal that Reeve’s films, however cheesy they were at times, had in spades.

Now You See Me (PG-13)

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Directed by: Louis Leterrier
Starring: Jesse Eisenberg
May 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Receiving tarot cards from a hooded mystery man is never a good thing.

I thought teleportation was only possible in
Star Trek.

First rule of magic. Don’t drink Diet Pepsi with something that rattles inside.
Also the first rule of common sense.

Great to see Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman together again.
Unbelievably, for the first time ever in a scene together. Although, both men appeared in Nolan’s Batman trilogy, their characters never crossed paths.

Rob the rich and give to the poor. Robin Hood would be proud.

Ruffalo tracks himself. Maybe he’ll find a better personality.

Unless you’re Gambit, thrown cards can’t do much damage.

Is the high speed chase just another misdirection?
Or just a stunt to infuse more action into the movie?

Awesome holographic projections at Five Points.

Resolution: Love trumps magic.
If it sounds oversimplified…it is.

Final analysis: Too slick for its own good. The trick was on me for shelling out a ten spot on this movie.

Harrelson and Eisenberg were phenomenal in
Zombieland, but so-so here.

Rating: 2 out of 4 stars for shallow character development and a plot that was merely a house of cards.

The movie had some decent moments and solid acting from its diverse and decorated cast, but it failed to deliver the sensational “ah-ha!” it promised from the outset. If you’re looking for a better magic movie check out The Illusionist (2006) and if you want a hipper heist flick Ocean’s Eleven (2001) should be your ticket.

After Earth (PG-13)

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Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan
Starring: Jaden Smith
May 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Use of sails in the interior decorating is a nice visual motif.

Roll up iPad is amazing! I want one. Now.
This technology is like 5-10 years away, right?

Skydive scene is a thrill ride. A literal and figurative high point for the movie so far.
Unfortunately the story follows the same trajectory and speed as Jaden’s skydive, but is never able to pull up.

Nifty flight suit. Condorman would be envious.

Jaden is cutlass-less. Not good.

Jaden’s new assignment: climb to the top of Mt. Doom.

Straightforward survival story with decent adventure & a nice father/son subplot just in time for Father’s Day.

Rating: 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Next up: Man of Steel. Stay classy!

Although this film isn’t earth-shattering, it deserved a better fate than what it received. I’m not sure if it’s because the movie came too soon on the heels of Oblivion (another dystopian yarn), or if the survival story looked too tepid (and it is in many instances), or if audiences wanted to see more of elder Smith in the movie, or if news that Shyamalan helmed the project outright tanked it, but the stars definitely didn’t line up for this film. One of the poorest performing movies of Will Smith’s career, one wonders if he sacrificed too much to establish his son as a top billed movie star.

Star Trek Into Darkness (PG-13)

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Directed by: J.J. Abrams
Starring: Chris Pine
May 2013

This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!

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Red trees...finally an alien-looking planet!
I first saw these trees in the trailer and was blown away by the striking visual of their vermillion branches and leaves against white trunks. What captivated me most as a fan of TOS was the “new life and new civilizations” part of the opening monolog. Unfortunately, we’ve had so many Earth-like climates/habitats in Sci-fi movies and TV shows that the same old desert, arctic, water, forest, jungle, etc., environments have become commonplace and stale. This world feels appropriately otherworldly and has brought back the thrill of deep space exploration that was so palpable in TOS.

Crossing universes...Spock appears to be on Mustafar.

What would Spock do? A good revelation.
WWSD? I wouldn’t want Spock’s cold logic deciding my fate.

Nice stand-alone mission with mud-skinned aliens. Reminds me of a TOS episode.

Nice pork chops, Pike. The 70s called and they want their sideburns back.

“You don’t respect the chair.” Great line and scene with Pike.
Bruce Greenwood is the elder statesman in the new Trek films. Pike possesses a dignity and decorum sorely lacking in the impetuous Kirk, whom he’s taken under his wing. Greenwood’s performance has really grounded Abrams’ first two Trek’s in profound ways.

80s action stars never die...they become Starfleet admirals.

Section 31. Any
DS9 fans out there?

The Mudd Incident. Another
TOS reference. Sulu tough as nails.

McCoy’s metaphors...funny scene.
This tweet comes before the previous one chronologically. Couldn’t think fast enough.

Exciting firefight with marauders and mystery combatant.

Superb stare down between Kirk and Harrison.
The tension here is palpable...two really good actors in a showdown. Superb dialog in this pivotal scene.

Red alert...gratuitous underwear scene.

Awesome Gorn reference. Torpedo planet looks like it’s on loan from Ridey Scott’s
Prometheus.
Dr. McCoy is such a Southern gentleman. Not sure I’d be such a gentleman if I were all alone on a planet with Carol Marcus (Alice Eve).

Notice the shape of the scrap on Kirk’s cheek bone.
The first of many instances of Manly Thumbs vs. Tiny Keypad. Score 1 for the keypad. “Scrap” should be “scrape.”

Admiral Robo’s ship looks like it comes from TNG.

Scotty’s sprint and debris field, good stuff.
My favorite movie line of the year is when Scotty tells Kirk to give him a minute. Impeccable delivery!

Pair o Spock’s redux. Pivotal scene.
It’s always nice to see an old friend.

“Shall we begin?” Not nearly as good as “Go ahead, make my day,” but It’ll do.
Ah, that voice! Just reading the words and I can hear Cumberbatch’s rich baritone voice echoing in my head.

Finally...seatbelts on the Enterprise.
It only took what...48 years?

For film studies buffs, notice the use of plexiglass in crucial scenes throughout.
Plexiglass or transparent aluminum?

A tribble saves the day!

Ah, the fistfight we’ve been waiting for all movie.

5 year mission. Does that mean a new TV show? Wishful thinking, I’m sure.

Rating: 3 out of 4. Same as last one. Perhaps a tad better due to Cumberbatch’s performance. Next up...After Earth with Will Smith.

Final Thoughts/Parting Shots: Okay, there’s so much to say, good and bad, in an analysis of this film, but I don’t want to ramble on like I did for J.J’s first Trek. First off, it’s very sad to say goodbye to one of our heroes in this film. The admiral’s presence will be sorely missed in future Treks. Most of the FX are stellar, but the matte shot of the Klingon moon (Praxis?) is a bit dicey. Some nitpicks: Is it really that short of a warp journey to get from Kronos to Earth (the Enterprise only travels at warp speed for a few minutes before Adm. Marcus’ ship blasts the Enterprise out of warp, depositing it near the moon)? If so, such proximity to the enemy home world would be worrisome… for both galactic superpowers, one would presume. Next, is Earth’s gravitational pull so great that it could draw the Enterprise all the way from the moon into its atmosphere? Seems a bit implausible. I could go on and on regarding the movie’s inconsistencies (like the can of Regulan bloodworms that was opened up by the subplot involving Khan’s “fountain of youth” blood), but I’ll refrain. My biggest snafu is revealing Harrison as Khan. Why is it necessary? Is Harrison any less compelling a villain, as played by Cumberbatch, than Khan? Since there’s so little back story and character development for the villain wouldn’t he work as either Harrison or Khan? And if so, doesn’t that mean the decision to make the villain Khan a contrived one? A gimmick to boost ratings? Some may see this choice as a way of introducing a new generation to the colorful TOS antagonist, but others might see it as needlessly tampering with a classic villain. Speaking of Cumberbatch as Khan, I must admit that I’m not as blown away by his performance as I thought I’d be (I know, I’m probably the only person on the planet who feels this way). One needs look no further than Sherlock to see just how brilliant and commanding an actor Cumberbatch is. Here, due to limited screen time and an underdeveloped character, the actor is effective but a far cry from phenomenal. Again, I might be alone in this assertion, but I feel like Abrams could’ve gotten more out of Cumberbatch…that there was an extra gear the actor could’ve shifted into to make his performance even more memorable. Be that as it may, Into Darkness is a fine follow-up to 2009’s Star Trek, and has expanded the series and taken it into appropriately darker territory. Bring on the next film…Star Trek To the Light Side. Lens flares included.